I'm not sure that I am ready for this

Ainsley had a preschool assessment this morning.

For this specific preschool it's to see if she is developmentally on track so that she can be a peer model for children with developmental disabilities.

I'm really excited about the preschool itself.

I also think that Ainsley will do really well.

I'm just not ready for her to go to preschool yet.

I had these same feelings when Adison started school.

Now, it's Ainsley turn.

Yes, it is only 3 hours a day.

Yes, I know that she will have fun.

Yes, I know that she will learn a lot.

I'm just not ready for this stage yet.

In my mind Ainsley is still my baby.

I feel like I haven't gotten enough time with her yet.

I just want a pause button.

I want things to slow down.

Unfortunately that's just not how time and life work.

When I had Adison I remember feeling like we had time.

All the time in the world in fact.

But time just flew by, now she is almost done with the 2nd grade.

I have finally resigned myself to the fact that she is in school.

I'm not ready for Ainsley to start this.

In my mind she is still my miracle that I finally got.

I don't want to separate myself from her yet.

In reality I am being selfish with her.

I know that she is ready.

She will in fact flourish.

Ugh, it is so hard.

I have until August.

Since I have a while to prepare myself maybe I will be ready by then.

I just like to have all my little chicks around me.

Yes, I know that some people think that I am weird for this.

But I do.

I not only love them but I like my kids.

I like spending time with them.

Yes, sometimes it's tough.

But they're my kids.

I feel like we've been through a lot to have them and I know that the time that they are solely mine is limited.

The world will eventually get to them.

There friends will someday be more important.

Life changes, as it should.

I'm just not ready.

Sigh.