Saturday, May 14, 2011

I'm not perfect



I realized the other night that sometimes my blog may make things appear that things are all sugar and spice around here.
The truth of the matter is that they are not.
This mothering thing is hardwork.
This wife-ing thing is hardwork too.
This life thing is hardwork.
There are many times that I struggle with any and all of these.

I love my husband with all of my heart.
He is an amazing man and father.
But we have our issues.
We have our little tiffs that I just don't talk about on here.
I don't want my blog to be someplace that I go to rehash every little thing with my hubby.
I want to celebrate the man that he is.

I love my girls.
They are the apple of my eye.
They are what motivates me to get out of my comfy bed every morning.
They are also the reason that I crash in my comfy bed every evening.
Mothering is hard.
Mothering with the hope of having productive, responsible, loving, empathetic people is really hard.
I don't always succeed.
I fail sometimes.
To be honest, I fail more times that I care to admit.
There are some days that I am just close to tears and counting down the seconds until K gets home because mama needs some back up.
There are so many times when I am beyond frustrated with x y and z that I have to give it to the Lord because I am completely incapable of doing whatever.
There are more times than not that I have to remind myself that I cannot control these little people that live in my house.
It is the hardest thing that I have ever done in my entire life.
It is also the most rewarding thing that I have ever been honored to do.

Life is hard.
There is just no other way around it.
There are shortcomings and pitfalls.
There is pain and sadness.
But there are so many amazing things to witness and explore.
There is something amazing about emerging from the most difficult thing you have ever experienced and simply putting one foot in front of the other.
I call that success.
Life seems to be a never ending roller coaster.
There are ups and downs, twists and turns.
The key {in my mind} is finding people to surround yourself with that come along side you, encourage you and pray with you.

I want people to see the hardships but also the beauty of it all.
I think that the reason I choose to focus on the positive and funny is because there is so much sadness and difficulty out there.
I want to see the beauty of life.
The wonder of it all.

Seeing that though doesn't take away from the difficulties.
I have been that mom more times that I can count on my fingers and toes at the grocery store that has the screaming, temper tantrum throwing child.
I've gotten *those* looks before from others.
But you know what, we are all fallen and broken people.
We all *hopefully* are trying our best in life.
I'm not a perfect mom, my hubby not a perfect dad and my kids are not perfect angels.
But, we try our hardest and love one another without limit.

At the end of the day that is what truly matters.
I'm not perfect and my life isn't either, but there is love.

I really have no idea where this blog post came from or where it is going, but here are my random musing on all of it.
Wecome to the rollercoaster, lets buckle our belts, hold on tight and encourage one another.

3 comments:

  1. I love that shot! You smiling, and K reading Cat in the Hat in the background. That says it all.

    This is the hard part of having a blog (I'm learning...) - the fact that we are not everything that we show. Sometimes, we want to celebrate. Does that mean that our entire life is a go-lucky celebration? Not likely. Sometimes, we want to vent and chew on difficult issues. Does that mean that our entire life is doom and gloom? I certainly hope not... It's hard to find that balance in life and in blogging.

    I love celebrating the highs with you. But I don't expect you to 1) be perfect or 2) show us only perfection. Life is a beautiful roller coaster. And love? We're here along for the ride. My seat is buckled <3

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  2. Agreed - completely.

    Life isn't peachy, rosy or fun all of the time. It isn't rainbows and sunshine - it's just not..anyone who tries to tell you that their life is..probably isn't tell you the whole truth.

    I think it's about perspective though too. I find that when I dwell on the negative..I attract negative..and that perpetuates the cycle. Yeah, sure, sometimes things happen that are completely out of my control..but sometimes I forget that I have more control over my emotions and reactions then I let on..

    This has been something I've been struggling with a lot lately too - and there are posts written sitting in my drafts folder that attempt to address the issue of 'how much is too much' - is it worth writing about some little thing that you're going to get over in half an hour? What if it stems deeper? What if it's too sad/deep/hard and makes you feel vulnerable. I think that creating the community of people to hold you up through those things is good - but it's also SO HARD. Where is the line? What is public? What is private? What is 'too much' - is there such a thing? I really just..don't know.

    I can't even imagine being a mother - it is honestly the hardest job on the face of the earth..and while I love kids, and love being around them - I've seen a fraction of how difficult it is..and that's why I know that for me..making the decision to HAVE kids - would be a big one. I always thought that I wanted kids..but now I question my abilities when I'm not even CONSIDERING it right now - so add on a million other stressors and yadda yadda - and of COURSE you have off days, moments that test you - that's just motherhood..I don't think that anyone would expect you to be perfect by any means. That being said, I still think that you're one of the most amazing, caring, loving mothers out there - and your love for all of your babies shines through in your writing and your photos and everything that you do - and it makes me happy that they're so loved and adored and well cared for. Even when you're having days that test you in whatever capacity they may. You can always DM me, email me or whatever and I'll chitter chatter away about something random (because, uh, that's what I seem to do..) or if you get skype..we can skype..whatever..if it helps to talk about things that are frustrating you or driving you nuts..even to just say "I WISH SOMEONE WOULD JUST BRING ME A DARN CUPCAKE - I'M HAVING ONE OF THOSE DAYS!' - I'll listen and ramble back to you that I would bring you a cupcake if I could. A) because you're awesome B) Because you should always have cupcakes c) BECAUSE, DUH, YUM.

    I'm with hasta - I'm buckled in and ready to scream with elation or sorrow - I've stood in line and I'm going to be here for you - regardless of any dips, twirls or whatever else you want to throw at me - just 'cause I <3 you!

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  3. Amen, Mama! A-Freakin-MEN.

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