A crystal clear moment

As I mentioned yesterday the littles are sick.

Not "go to the doctor" sick more like my mama-intuition is telling me that this is more than a cold, something to keep an eye on.

It's mainly that they are both so mucusy.

Coughing and hacking.

We had to give Lee a breathing treatment the other evening.

Abby has croup, I am about 90% sure of that.

My girls are all different kinds of sickies.

Adison is the happy go lucky sickie.

Even when really ill you can hardly tell.

She is still her usual, bubbly self.

If she gets quiet or lethargic, watch out.

Ainsley is the leave me alone sickie.

Don't look at her, talk to her, touch her.

Don't even think about her sickie.

All she wants is to lay on the couch BY HERSELF and watch movies.

Abigail is the cuddly, weepy sickie.

She wants to be held and cuddled ON HER TERMS.

She wants what she wants and you'd better give it to her.

OR ELSE.

Take this morning for instance.

{Keep in mind that Adison is not sick, yet...hopefully won't get it.}

Ainsley only wants to lay on the couch and watch Charlie and Lola.

Nothing more nothing less.

So, I gave her what she wanted and let her be.

Abby on the other hand really doesn't know what she wants.

To be held.

To get down.

To eat.

To not eat.

You understand my confusion, right?
All I know is that she is crying and just plain miserable.

In the midst of my Abby conundrum I have a moment of crystal clear clarity.

I need to cherish this.

Yes, even in the crying and misery, I need to embrace this.

Things won't always be this way.

She won't fit on my lap like this for much longer.

She won't always want me to cuddle and love on her like this.

This is a time of absolute need.

When she has very little if any ability to meet her own needs.

She relies on me for just about everything and I am there wholeheartedly to meet these needs and wants.

Need a lap to sit on?
Well, I'll just keep walking backwards and I'll eventually find Mama's lap to sit on.

Need someone to count piggies?
I'll just lift up my foot and Mama will count and tickle them.

Want someone to cuddle with?
I'll just walk up to Mama, raise my arms and Mama will know what I need.

This time, for her, is a time of discovery and awakening.

Limits, both physical and mental, are being tried right now.

Independence is making an entrance.

I want to remember this feeling.

The feeling of a small, warm baby on my lap.

To feel the weight of her in my arms.

The warmth of her head on my shoulder.

The smell of her fresh.

I want to remember not only the major milestones but the everyday-ness of life too.